textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
