If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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