Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
