I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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