I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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