My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
