The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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