we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
