i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
