just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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