You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
