we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
