the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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