How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
