After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
