apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
