hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
