fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
