Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
