update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
