Can i not drive my cunt home
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
