You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
