Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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