What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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