oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
