you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
