then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
