I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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