and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
