Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
