dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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