He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
