He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
