Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
