I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
