If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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