its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
