I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
