so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
