your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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