But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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