your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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