some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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