i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
