I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
