This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
