I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
