Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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