I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
