oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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