My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
