its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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