Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
