Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A+ Viking dick
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
