where does the pee come out of this thing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
