Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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