and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
