david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
