I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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