I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
