he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
